moonstruck

2006-10-19T23:26:00.000+08:00

RELOCATED

When I need a friend, somebody to lean on

2006-09-19T00:44:00.000+08:00

Lovely evening, lovely company.

Love the presents, loved your presence more.

Thank you, you and you.

(Desmond, Christina and Sebastian)

You know I love you, all of you.

Happy birthday to you too, Sebbie!

2006-09-18T15:29:00.000+08:00

As much as I tell myself not to take it personally, I sit here today still thinking about it. It was like any other day, nothing special, nothing expected. I wonder why it still hurts. Perhaps, I did expect something, or maybe it's just the nonchalance that pricks. So there was her, and her, and wait a minute, was there? No, that is all. It's always raining these days. I guess I now know where I stand, at least with you. Invisible. Or maybe not. I do not know. I will try to be stoic towards the disregard of my presence, as I look at the affability you lavish upon the people surrounding me. Should I ask you? (laughs) Look, the sky's rather gloomy today, it will probably rain later.

Perfect teeth

2006-09-18T00:49:00.000+08:00

I think guys with braces are cute. I don't know why.

And this is just a general statement

T-shirt for sell

2006-09-15T22:04:00.000+08:00

Selling for $7
Worn once only.

Tag my tag board if interested ((:

Would you lie with me and just forget the world

2006-09-12T18:45:00.000+08:00

That was about the sweetest thing I have ever heard from you.

The flight that fought back

2006-09-11T16:00:00.000+08:00

I salute your bravery.

Would I have done the same?

Can't help myself, I love you and nobody else

2006-09-06T23:21:00.000+08:00

You're so vain, I bet you think this song is about you.

Don't you? Don't you? Don't you?

Grace, I so hate you for sending me this song.

Human for sale

2006-09-06T14:03:00.000+08:00

I am worth $1,555,034.

any takers?

Wretched Love

2006-09-05T22:18:00.000+08:00

Wretch Love, curse to soul

brewed with space and time

Pour into a heart t'was cold

gripped like addiction to wine.

Intoxicated, eyes it stole

the host now rendered blind.

Blind she stares, sitting in a hole

dug in misery, she pines.

We are all born childish

2006-09-04T21:45:00.000+08:00

Wise men say, only fools rush in.

But I can't help falling in love with you.

Shall I stay, would it be a sin

If I can't help, falling in love with you

Like a river flows, surely to the sea

Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be

Take my hand, take my whole life too

For I can't help, falling in love with you

Take the test?

2006-09-03T00:00:00.000+08:00

How do I say it?

How would you react?

Hiatus

2006-08-27T22:00:00.000+08:00

so she left nothing,

nothing worth missing.

Coffee & Cigarettes

2006-08-25T16:02:00.000+08:00

I gave up coffee and cigarettes
I hate to say it hasn't helped me yet
I thought my problems would just disappear
And all my pain would be in yesterday
I poured my booze all down the kitchen drain
And watch my bad habits get flushed away
I thought that would keep my head on straight
And all my pain would be in yesterday
But it's true I'm still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit you

I thought that if I didn't go and play
The sadness would get bored and go away
I thought that if I didn't go astray
That all my pain would be in yesterday
But it's true I'm still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit you

I sold my guitar and my piano
I thought that it was these that kept me low
I thought if only I could try and change
That all my pain would be in yesterday
But it's true I'm still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit you

Chop Chop Chop

2006-08-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

I have a tendency to do radical stuff to my tress when I am under stress.

It is a purely psychological thing.

I do not quite know how to explain my troubles seem to fall to the ground along with my hair.

Ok, the previous sentence sounded weird.

Anyway...

so tonight, at 830pm, I wandered into a random salon near my block.

2006-08-21T16:39:00.000+08:00

Psalm 42
BOOK II : Psalms 42-72 1
For the director of music. A maskil of the Sons of Korah.

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock,

"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"

My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

* * *

I am my own enemy. My own memories of failure taunt me.

There is a battle going on inside me.

Yes, I will remember Your mercy.
Yes, I will remember Your great Love.
Yes, I will remember Your faithfulness.
Yes, I will remember Your grace.
I choose to remember.
O God, remind me to remember,
and show me once again Your mercy, grace, faithfulness and Love.

7 days and 73 days

2006-08-21T15:50:00.000+08:00

'What" will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

huh?

Give me back my life

2006-08-20T22:43:00.000+08:00

8 days to my first prelim paper.

Cue for you to start being initiative.

By the way, God,

how about rapture, now?

2006-08-18T17:52:00.000+08:00

Sing me something soft, sad and delicate, or loud and out of key. Sing me anything.

My ears are bias.

I do not like it when you do that to me

2006-08-15T18:15:00.000+08:00

Fluctuating emotions, with wide, diurnal range, kills.

You make me so happy, You make me so angry,
You make me so happy, You make me so sad,
You make me so happy, You will make me mad,
someday.

Ironically, I cannot keep myself away from you. You are like a drug, and I am the hopeless addict on the verge of an overdose.

You make me feel like I'm alive when everything else is au fait

2006-08-15T15:57:00.001+08:00

O, I do love you.

Still I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you.

I wonder why it is,

I wont let my guard down,

For anyone but you.

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind.

* * *

Troubled sleep woke me up with a mind pounding headache. 2 days, I lie on the bed, face to the ceiling with rock weathering, etchplanation, elasticity, market structure, national income accounting, racing through my mind. Stress? Sub-conscious perhaps. Slowly draining the life out of my face, out of me.

Napped for 20 min, head still throbbing, but guilt pryed my eyes wide open to stare at The Antagonist with fiery glance, hoping that The Antagonist might just burst into flames, burning some wisdom into my sleep deprived brain.

Market failure, blah blah. O, the agony.

Tomorrow, The Tormentor.

Sing my ears deaf

2006-08-13T21:13:00.000+08:00

".... brothers are born for adversity. "

Mine has brought me 17 years 321 days worth of it.

2006-08-13T21:08:00.000+08:00

I need some cheering up.

Buy me some cotton candy

Ask me out.

You.

Donation please

2006-08-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

Hello people reading this.
If you have any jewelry that are broken/with defects/just too ugly to be worn and have been sitting around your dressing table, occupying precious space, cluttering your life and you just do not know what to do with them and yet you do not want to throw them away, donate them to me. please...

I'll fall asleep tonight, because that brings me closer to you.

2006-08-10T22:07:00.000+08:00

The richest love is that which submits to the arbitration of time.

- Lawrence Durrell

2006-08-04T09:33:00.000+08:00

"Will you still love me in the morning?"

"Forever and ever, babe"

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”-Neil Gaiman-

Now that is one pessimistic point of view that I am guilty of accepting a bit too often.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:1-13

folded arms

2006-08-03T20:26:00.000+08:00

make me heartless

Those were the days, my friends

2006-07-31T21:35:00.000+08:00

Those were the days we did not care if we were fat,

those were the days we did not care if we had bad hair,

those were the days we did not care if we looked funny,

those were the days we only cared about having fun,

those were the days,

gone were the days.

My dear friends,

My childhood buddies,

This picture was taken 11 years ago.

Ripped from PostScriptLove

2006-07-31T18:14:00.000+08:00

If you comment on this post,

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory about you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. You must post this on yours.

Midnight Highway

2006-07-26T16:44:00.000+08:00

Your bitter goodbye is ringing through this quiet night,
This idle hour just wont pass
I've never missed you this much, never thought I would,
Didn't think you'd feel so far away
Your summer perfume is still, blowing through this hallway,
Autumn's amber red shadows dance
I miss our midnight rides on highway 18, 18 is gone

So go past the lights and all the excuses
You could have left "sincerely yours"
Don't you think it's obvious that I want to say more?
Cause anything too daring to say to you,
Will be said in this letter, then burned away
So you never realize, I'm here
I'm thinking of your vague reply
So I can understand
Why we put this at rest
Why we forget to
Say that we were leaving
Say that we were sorry
The past remains unspoken
As this vacant night is dying
But I still miss your summer perfume
This cold air brings such a distance to us
Such a painful distance

I'm still waiting for you to say you hate me now
So I don't have to hold on to this burning heart
This burning heart is getting old, getting old
And while sitting on this cold kitchen floor,
Head down to hide the tears, ive realized
I've finally realized that you were never,
You were never meant for me.

Come Winter

2006-07-25T19:04:00.000+08:00

The first day of fall is the last day I'll kiss the sky
The cold air surprises my bones have been spoiled by the summer's heat
The sun hides its face, and I'll hide mine too
Sooner or later this winter will rain down and leave me to wait for one year.
I'll be there, I promise.

Next year this time, I'll be there waiting.
I'll dream of the past, and wish that I was there.
I am burning the letters of days gone by
I'm so sorry, but I'm scared that my heart will regret the things that I've done
Breathe in all of the ashes of my mistakes.
Gently collapse so no one will notice that you're falling too short of your breath.
I've wasted so much more time dream than living.
I'll be there.

So cherish these days, enjoy every breath like it will be the last of your life.
Please never look back because you won't forget why you cried.

Pollen and Salt

2006-07-22T22:55:00.000+08:00

You've left me with such a silent world,
Where evenings are calm, but I'm restless
And my breath has become as thin as the wind.
Not even the mighty sky could fill the space you left behind
Not even when it rains.
No, nothing takes your place
Your emptiness too great to fill.

Today in a breeze I sensed your perfume
But you were nowhere near.
And in reverie,
I felt you holding me.
And even in my dreams I shake from the fear
Of truth being swept away
By the rhythm of the waves I whisper in your ears.

I would give away
The sweetest memories,
If I could just be with you again.
Be with you again.

I have been holding my breath,
For too many nights in a row,
And somewhere on coastlines unknown to me
You paint your dreams,
With reds and blues and greens.
Yea you're painting daffodils growing by the sea,
Without me.

Last night I dreamt you were with me,
Finally I could breathe.

Tonight you arrested my mind

2006-07-21T22:32:00.000+08:00

I love you.

Fooled

2006-07-20T19:46:00.001+08:00

I never ever will again.

* * *

Dead Man's Chest

Wait till the endless streams of credits end.

Suckers.

Personality Traits By Blood Type

2006-07-19T20:00:00.000+08:00

Type O:
Type O's are outgoing, and very social. They are initiators, although they don't always finish what they start. Creative and popular, they love to be the center of attention and appear very self confident.

Type A:
While outwardly calm, they have such high standards (perfectionists) that they tend to be balls of nerves on the inside. Type A's are the most artistic of the blood groups. They can be shy, are conscientious, trustworthy, and sensitive.

Type B:
Goal oriented and strong minded, type B's will start a task and continue it until completed, and completed well. Type B's are the individualists of the blood group categories and find their own way in life.

Type AB:
Type AB's are the split personalities of the blood groups. They can be both outgoing and shy, confident and timid. While responsible, too much responsibility will cause a problem. They are trustworthy and like to help others.

Guess my blood type.

2006-07-19T15:03:00.000+08:00

I crave for ice cream.

Who will eat with me?

Thursday is two days away

2006-07-18T17:36:00.000+08:00

Take my hand,

hold my hand,

fingers entwined.

Watch you smile,

you make me smile,

drink some wine.

Walk with me,
sit next to me,
your shoulder's mine.

In semi darkness and poor ventilation

2006-07-17T21:30:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna yell it from the roof tops

I'll wear a sign on my chest

That's the least I can do, its the least I can do

Inaccuracy is the devil's foothold in the 21st century

2006-07-16T22:37:00.000+08:00

I think I could survive army. I would hate it, but I would survive.

I learnt today that in army there is no reasoning, no respect, just ranks. And quiet compliance is the best policy/slogan to live by, though I believe it is one of the hardest thing for any normal guy to adhere to due to something called "ego", but I guess it is the only way to ensure comfortable survival. Rather you kiss ass till your lips rot than lose the whole head. So if I ever go in there, I will be sure to employ the art of submission, and just secretly hate you.

So much said, I never want to be in the army and I doubt I would ever be enlisted anyway.

So random.

"Trained to be a soldier, fight for our land

Once in our lives, two years of our time

Have you ever wondered, why must we serve

'Cause we love our land and we want it to be free, to be free"

Evening Jogs

2006-07-14T18:41:00.000+08:00

The still, cold waters sparkled in the sunset's fading glows. A perfect illusion of a pool of shimmering gold dust. Blithesome sparrows fluttered back to their little homes in the trees, as the vagrant dragonflies wandered close above the green, gold dusted grass. The pastel blue sky was clear, with honey-lined snowy clouds sprinkled in little random patches. The caramel coated granite crunched under the her weight as she breaks through the sultry air.

All was quiescent. Besides her own breathing, that smelt of the past rain, all was in peaceful silence. Even nature seemed to be muted. Like a silent movie, tinted in gold, she watched the pictures pass her. It was so tranquil, it was so beautiful, it was so lonely.

* * *

Magnificent God, Your creation atonishes me. I fail in comparison as nature worships You. The wind sings Your praises, the trees wave their branches in praise, the water reflects a glimpse of Your glory as the sun shines golden beams upon its cool surface, the heavens declare your splendor, the stars and galaxy Your greatness. And yet all I could do, was stand in wonder of You, in complete awe, speechless.

* * *

One month is all it takes to reduce your stamina to zero. Running is such a chore now. I cannot even take the heat of the evening sun, and what use to be "just 8km only", now seem like a never ending torture.

Two attempts, two failed attempts. My legs wanted to collapse just after 4km, and those stitches, dreadful things, were asking for my life. And mind you, I was running, no, I cannot even call that running, it was more like snailing my way from my house to the reservior, around the reservior, and back to my house. Even a wrinkled old man, super fit one, I think (or maybe it's just me that is super unfit), flew past me. Tragic.

The interns

2006-07-13T17:03:00.000+08:00

School is getting too bitchy.

I feel like a crew on the reality show "A simple life".

Go home Paris and Nicole.

Hi.im in school.

2006-07-12T18:20:00.000+08:00

Rather small gestures of Love,
than over-rated romance.

Sweetness in short, simple form,
kept me smiling all day long.

You could melt me like a piece of ice cream cake.

Little Monster. (in bold)

2006-07-12T18:11:00.000+08:00

It's been so long

Since I have heard your voice.

I'd like to talk

But I might not have the choice.

You turned off your phone.

I guess you need some time away.

I wish you could hear me say

I know that some time

When the weather is fine

I will be with you

I'll be with you

No one can see

What the future will be

But I'll feel for you

I'll feel for you

I saw your friends

They said that this was not like you.

One thing I have learnt

Even angels lose their view.

And now you have gone

My days are empty, cold and bleak.

To think that we can't even speak.

Can't even speak.

I'm just trying to make a contribution

Does that stand for nothing at all?

I want to say that I love you

But I feel like I can't talk.

White Slippers

2006-07-10T21:17:00.000+08:00

If today started at 5pm, I am the happiest girl on planet earth.

Sitting down is never more satisfying than when sitting next to you.

If only you enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed yours.

What I would not give to start all over again with you.

Stars and Boulevards

2006-07-07T23:26:00.000+08:00

Wait, dear

A white horse is walking down my street here

Your words are creeping at my feet I fear

That sunrise will come too soon and you’ll disappear

To the haze of a city and yourself

Oh no

Look out

They're coming after us with big guns

They're only going to tell you all the bad things I've done

And even if the words they say aren't true they've won

Now I'm left here dying in the sun

Late nights won't do me justice

When I drink I just get so damn depressed

And it's, it's not like I ain't trying to get over you

It's just hard to look at all the seasons pass me all the time

And I said...

Oh,

Seems like I'm always on my own

Seems like I'm never coming home

Seems like I'm always on my own

All the stars and boulevards

Ain't close enough for you

One last phone call from you, it wouldn't hurt much

I'd just like to hear your voice

And pretend to touch any inch of you that hasn't

Said it all or read it all

I sung my life away

And I say...

Oh,
Seems like I'm always on my own
Seems like I'm never coming home
Seems like I'm always on my own
All the stars and boulevards
Ain't close enough for you

food poisoning

2006-07-07T12:21:00.000+08:00

Dearest Jien, if you ever read this, I am terribly sorry I could not turn up for your birthday party and I have not pass you your birthday present.

* * *
Fading consciousness, a dark cloud envelops me.

Blinded, my head is buzzing and light.

A warm tingling sensation courses through my veins.
I am on the floor.
I wake, covered in cold sweat.

Just take away everything

2006-07-06T00:19:00.000+08:00

I am tired of the sun set.
Where is my whiff of fresh air?

* * *
I really want to hug you and tell you I miss you, but I know you don't want to hear it.

The drop of rain

2006-07-03T16:19:00.000+08:00

You don't know me, and you don't even care.
You don't know me, and you don't even wear my chains.

I think I need a sun rise

I'm tired of the sun set

Here it's nice in the summer

Some snow would be nice

Tomorrow, life's going to go on like it always does. Slipping back into the routine where I will lose myself once again. The feeling of void seeps in just by the mere thought of the months ahead of me.

Just like a drop of rain upon a hot busy pavement. Everyone walks pass, but who would stoop so low or spare some time to spot its clear, invisible existence? Walk on by, life.

Do not worry, precious drop. It will not be long till you return to the sky, where you fit in perfectly.

And the drop is gone.

Fly me off somewhere, Heaven would be nice.

The birthday party we should have thrown

2006-07-01T00:30:00.000+08:00

Lets get together, eat online ice cream and talk till we all fall asleep.

3 of us.

We can have "half baked"

"chunky monkey"

"teh tarek"

"coconut swirl"

"kahlua latte"

and I will bring my own polky.

I hope it rains, then it will just be like old times.

Not Emo.

2006-06-29T12:50:00.000+08:00

I have many questions concerning you, and I really want to know the answers. Yet, I cannot ask anyone else but you, but I know you will not be able to provide me with the answers. So what am I suppose to do, ________?

haha.

Who are you?

You are March, April, May, May 31, June, Dec

You are not him

You know who you are

So much memories I want to re-live.
I will just rewind and replay them in my head.

I miss trainings (PT, Pitch).

MrUnoeWho, can I still come for trainings after my block test 2. hee

2006-06-29T12:38:00.000+08:00

I missed the opportunity

to get you babe to stay with me.

Never thought, I'd regret the excuses that I've made

like a song,it will fade

If there's music in the night,

And it's really, really right,

It's the only thing I need.

It intoxicates your mind

All your troubles left behind

So come on and take my lead.

It's not just me who feels it

music plays a mind trick

watch me forget about missing you

So i put my feelings out to dry

Love, one day again, i'll have to try.

Falling out, making up

it seems such a silly game.

Why do i never gain?

2006-06-26T18:11:00.000+08:00

water and bread. that's all.

I love the colour grey

2006-06-20T18:35:00.000+08:00

Colour my world grey, my new found fondness, grey. Smack it across the sky and over the blocks of dwell, inject a whiff of rain and rustle the green with looming blows. Then, softly let the drops fall, upon the cold hard grey floors.

So you sailed away into a grey sky morning.

Now I'm here to stay, Love can be so boring.

Nothing's quite the same now,

I just say your name now.

So you stole my world, and now I'm just a phony.

Remembering the girl, leaves me down and lonely.

Send it in a letter,

make yourself feel better.

And it may take some time to patch me up inside,

but I can't take it so I run away and hide.

And I may find in time that You were always right.

You're always right.

So you sailed away into a grey sky morning.

Now I'm here to stay, Love can be so boring.

What was it you wanted?

Could it be I'm haunted?

But it's not so bad, You're only the best I ever had.
You don't want me back, You're just the best I ever had

*You woke me up today, to a grey sky morning.

So I drift away, into a grey sky evening...

Million mile healing star

2006-06-18T17:49:00.000+08:00

What are you doing to me? I'm so into you.

And the hardest part is knowing that i'll never follow through.

You're slowly killing me, and I wish it wasn't true

because I'm so into you.

Your smile melts a hole in my heart.

Loneliness burns.

Burns the hole bigger,

Burns the heart broken,

Burns it bleeding.

Time comes undone.

Perhaps one day it will burn so deep

it burns into the soul.

fragile

2006-06-17T12:24:00.000+08:00

It was just a fall.

Just a fall to her death

Just a fall

That's how fragile life is.

Dreams are my reality. I wish

2006-06-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

Buy me a big dream catcher, catch those sweet dreams and lock them safely away. Perhaps one day, when I can finally sleep my life away, release them. For now, when reality is routinely essential, let me wake every morn without regrets that I did.

Even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do. I still miss you, babe. And I don't want to miss a thing.

2006-06-08T21:52:00.000+08:00

Everyday, I am reminded of new memories of you. I am aware of the glaring oxymoron in my previous sentence, but it makes perfect sense actually.

This world has nothing for me.

The girl don't get it

2006-06-06T20:43:00.000+08:00

Mother: Hang up the phone, NOW!
Jael: Hanging up lah (hangs up)
Mother: If you want to use the phone after 10pm, use the house phone. I don't want you to use your handphone at home
Jael: But it's free incoming?! No difference if I use the house phone or my handphone
Mother: Spare a thought for your friend...
Jael: But she's using her house phone.
Mother: (speechless for 5 seconds) ok. (3 second pause) Get Normal!
Jael: (confused and trying not to laugh) What's GET NORMAL?!?
Mother stands speechless for few seconds, turns and walk out of the room.
Brother: (sniggers)

A million mile hug

2006-06-05T09:43:00.000+08:00

This is officially my happiest day in June.

Love, you made my day.

I must be the luckiest girl in the whole galaxy.

Step aside, you martians.

I love surprises!

Now I am going to be a bloody idiot and smile the entire day to myself.

Not that I am complaining. HAHA!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

2006-06-04T21:58:00.000+08:00

She laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. Relentlessly, her guffaws echo along the entirety of day. I stood in her shadow, a reticent observer, deeply peturbed by her queer elation.

Creepy. Almost psycho.
The way her eyes do not smile along with her laughs, but mourn in discordancy. I swear I saw them weep for that brief moment. I am not sure why. I am no psychic. I do not need to be to sense the peculiarity of her euphoria. I swear she is concealing something, something morbidly enigmatic, or perhaps she is still intoxicated from that night?

Or perhaps I do not really want to know.

Still, I stand behind of her, me, her.

2006-06-02T18:06:00.000+08:00

O, look at the time.

the sun is setting,

the sun is setting.

the sad song she's singing.

O, look at the girl,

her heart is aching,

her heart is waiting,

her heart is missing.

the vacuum needs filling.

Macho

2006-06-01T21:29:00.000+08:00

Movie date.

It has been so long, I almost forgot how nice it is to be around you. Just listening to your nonsense.

Lovely.

http://grouphug.us/confessions/656333124
silly thing, are you going to become like him too?

no more whining.

I am strong.

yay!

Cold Turkey

2006-06-01T12:29:00.000+08:00

GOOD MORNING YOU!

I told you once that this blog is getting a bit too public.

Somewhere only we know (:

2006-05-31T21:38:00.000+08:00

My hands ache from your weight but I hope the pain never leaves. Every cringe of soreness reminds me that you existed in my life, it was not just a sweet dream, but real true memories.

Tonight, I have no one to tell how painful my chin is because I dived and Vanessa tripped over me, kicking my hands and smacking the stick into my chin.

No more hockey, please.
No more Delta, please.
No more bitter sweet moments of reminiscence, please, because the bitter drowns the sweet
No more, for now till the missing relents.

Had a long, long session with Nut and Ahma today, sitting outside the swimming complex. Was it 3 hours, more if counting from the time we sat down and Jill, Teresa and Rox left, then Mr Soh, then Mellie, and then there was three.

My thoughts are so scattered now.
But they settle mostly on you,
Hockey, Delta, Match, Talks, Handphone, Computer, Msn, Blog.

Is it possible to be so sad you feel sick?

2006-05-31T12:28:00.000+08:00

She swallowed so much sadness it made her sick.
She wants to spit it up,
She struggles to keep it down,
She muffles her sobs,
She smiles.

She really feels sick, especially in the stomach.

Life's like this.

2006-05-31T12:05:00.000+08:00

Some things in life are irreplaceable, and time is irreversible, so i cannot reverse time to keep the irreplaceable things that have left me behind.

You are irreplaceable, the only thing capable of leaving me with a permenant heartache that I hope irreversible time would slowly ease.

Things that remind me of you,

hide them,

out of sight,

out of mind.

I cannot look at my phone.

I do not dare use it or even look at it because I might see your name, or accidentally open my inbox and see your messages.

MrUnoeWho

2006-05-26T21:27:00.000+08:00

Mr Soh: What is the most important shot in a game?
-silence
Mr Soh: Jael?
-silence
Mr Soh: Walao eh, THE NEXT SHOT! Remember!
Jael (mumbles): Okok...

If there is one lesson I would take with me for life from the 'A' Division, is the lesson of "Moving on". Thank you Mr Soh for teaching me that the most important shot is always the next. What has happened has already happened. No amount of brooding or harping would alter the outcome. What is most important is that you pick yourself up, learn your mistake and give your best for the next anticipated shot. It applies to everything else in life, I guess. With all said and done, the next thing to do is to move on.

Finally, I want to thank MrUnoeWho.
Thank you very much for all the effort and time you have put in to training me. Thank you for your unquestionable passion and commitment. Thank you for teaching me not only skills, but precious life lessons that I would carrying with me for the rest of my life and probably even teach my future kids.

Thank you, A LOT. You are most appreciated, Deeply.

*ps: the goalie must also be from basketball, chinese dance, choir and badminton too.

2006-05-25T22:20:00.000+08:00

Sylvia: Jael, What are you?
Jael: I'm a wall!

Yesterday marks the end of my career as a WALL.

But I will still be a wonderWALL for you

and that statement has no expiry date

no end to its contract.

The rain failed to make me feel.

2006-05-22T22:51:00.000+08:00

Cold, cold water

surrounds me

the rain washed the frigid day away

leaving no residue,

not a slightess hint

of emotion.

numb and stranded,

I drifted.

So cold that I even forgot to message him.

C.A.B

2006-05-21T23:51:00.000+08:00

She killed a pair of legs today.

the pair of legs that walked next to hers till sunset,

as promised.

"Slow down. You are walking too fast."

Tell that to Time.

The next time she walks slowly,

she will tell Shadow,

who is trailing behind her,

"catch up!"

and pretend to be that pair of legs

walking next to hers till the sun sets.

they will sit down altogether,

again,

someday.

till then,

she will keep on walking

with Time and Shadow in front and at the back of her.

The space next to her remains empty,

till then.

I must be pms-ing

2006-05-20T22:26:00.000+08:00

Moodswings.

I am happy now.

Drinking alone

Getting high on ice water

This is insane.

Over exposure to sunlight must have fried my brains.

I just realised that my post, 5 days ago, "sweet nothing", looks like a christmas tree.

I love christmas.

um. ok.

totally random.

Build me a time machine, I'll sell my soul.

2006-05-20T19:04:00.000+08:00

"All of the days have passed us by, and all of the sun is gone away."

Shit.

Where did all the months go?

Pre-BT1 mugging

KL trip

BT1

Trainings

BT1 results

'A' Division

3 months.

Gone.

You too, soon.

very soon.

I can almost hear Aerosmith playing in the background.

Stop replaying the memories.

It is making me bloody depressed.

I hate it when the day ends

I hate it when I have to sleep

because when I wake

I am one day closer.

Shit.

Lend me the bloody remote control, please.

I beg You.

I just need the "Rewind" button.

For once, I am not looking forward to the holidays

because it marks the end of "things" that mean a lot to me.

I was really from band. saxophone baby. no lies

2006-05-18T20:54:00.000+08:00

If there is one thing I cannot do, is watch guys cry.

Steal my pain, take it all away

would you, sweetness?

11 more days.

a tribute to the "Man" of the match.

2006-05-17T20:47:00.000+08:00

To GOD be all the Glory and Honour.

It was You who saved the last shot with Your mighty hand.

You showed me clearly there was nothing that i could do,

but what you could do through me and for me.

You saved the day.

You are so awesome.

All i could do was stand and look in wonder.

Thank You.

You were the "Man" of the match.

You are God, what can i expect?

i love you.

and you know i still would even if we lost.

one last request of the night,

i ask boldly for a chance to give You a second tribute for Your favour.

Thank You in advance.

i give You praise for You deserve it

i give You praise for what You've done

i give You praise for You are able

i give You praise till i overcome

i give You praise when the sun is shining

i give You praise in the dark of night

i give You praise when the battle rages

i give You praise till it works out right

I threw away the keys.

2006-05-16T21:38:00.000+08:00

Hide me safe behind smiles

I am scared

Of what?

You.

Some things are better left unsaid, unspoken of, unexplained.

Sweet Nothings

2006-05-15T21:17:00.000+08:00

buy me

cake shop waffles,

strawberry polky,

ritter sport's rum and raisins,

secret recipe's marble cheesecake,

haagan daz's strawberry cheese cake ice cream,

B & J's dublin mudslide and chocolate chip cookie dough,

island creamery's coconut swirl, kahlua latte and cookies and cream,

a whole load of liquor chocolates,

and I will fall in love with you.

Saccharine Sunday

2006-05-14T20:39:00.000+08:00

You are placebo,

the remedy,

the addiction,

the sugar high.

Pain melts upon the sight of your sweet face.

That very moment,

I wished the pain would linger on.

because now I am standing there,

without an excuse,

once again.

Question of the day:
How many more chances have I left to wave goodbye to you at bus-stops?

I know.

Not many

I hate goodbyes.

And I hasten them brusque only because they are unbearable.

Let's play some games

2006-05-13T22:50:00.000+08:00

Secretly, I abhor your replusive attitude. Though the glaring odd shade of Displeasure was painted lavishly across my contenance, openly declaring my spite.

You saw, and I am utterly positive about that.

It is hard to miss, really.

You are probably aware of my scorn, that is the point anyway. You still do not know that it's your attitude that I absolutely Hate, and I'm not going to tell you.

Don't these guessing games piss you off?

Credit is yours. All yours.

Your created this game and I am just playing your game, back at you.

So have a taste of your own bitter drop, darling.

I hope you like it.

Zero Proximity

2006-05-12T23:48:00.000+08:00

So today, I slept my day away.

Proximity, almost zero.

My life is/seems complete.

Today marks the end of my

"Over-dependence De-Tox"

Now you can breathe,

and I am happy that you are breathing.

Amazing Grace

2006-05-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

A million apologies

I feel awful because I did not help AC pick their ball. I was just zoning out. Kind of like a lapse in concentration and I just stopped the ball and stood there. OMG! So "attitude" can.

SORRY!!!

(if any of you ever read this)

I was really did not mean to be a "Potong Pasir Ah Lian/Beng".

Oh, and SORRY No. 2 (AC),

I was kind of violent when our sticks were locked together.

Bleah.

I rather be nice then cool. Any day.

Semi-finals.

YAY!

2006-05-10T18:21:00.000+08:00

"Emo"= Sad? NOT!

I am emo, So what?

I saw the rain pour from heaven

2006-05-09T20:30:00.000+08:00

When the waters rose to knee deep,

raindrops drenched us to the bone,

lightning struck all around us,

and the thunder roared us deaf,

I want to walk with you,

in the rain,

again.

Oh Gosh, I miss you so.

and you would not even see this

Take some time

2006-05-08T21:05:00.000+08:00

I love it when the day is transition

especially the transition between evening and dusk.

sullen.

I took a longer time to stand from the seat where you left me at, just to breathe in more of that sullen air.

I took a longer walk to the bus stop, just to bask in the light of the fading sunset.

I took a longer journey home, just to ponder about the questions the sullen air posed to me in the sunset.
1. ___________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________

walk with me till the sun sets, will you?

More Jumps.

2006-05-08T20:46:00.000+08:00

Somehow, we always look ridiculously happy when we jump.

2006-05-04T22:18:00.000+08:00

Blame it on the Sun and thin clouds.

2006-05-01T16:09:00.000+08:00

My brain was filled with clouded thoughts as I lay sprawled on the bed like a dead fish. Everything seemed so hazy at first. Then, sunlight pierced through the thin clouds and started hurting my sleepy eyes. I wanted to shut them, and slip silently back into un-reality, where days are long and cloudy, and the month of May never ends

I could have easily done so, I mean, it was the Sun, the Sun forced me to close my eyes. Right. Crappy excuse, my phone was the first one to see through it.

Buzz. You'd rather waste the time left in a fabricated world? Gosh, you moron.

Damn it. I am trying ok. Give me some bloody credit, would you?

I wrestled those heavy lids open. I did not even let them blink. I stared straight at the Sun. Suddenly, my heart raced. (Hand to chest.)

Silent! Be quiet!

30 days.

I swear I did not count.

It is the Sun. He counted.

And he hurt my eyes so much.

He made me cry.

He made me.

Buzz. Blame it on the Sun and thin clouds.

Love's Suicide

2006-04-25T21:08:00.000+08:00

If only I could let you in to my inner most thoughts

If only I could, I really would.

I have been trying, but it just seem that there is no combination of words that can adequately or accurately illustrate how i truly think, feel,

Love.

If only I could bear my heart without dying

If only I could, I let you see how every beat it beats,

beats for you.

Fish, Frog, Whatever.

2006-04-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

If I was anything today, I was a bitch. Complete one. I wish I could just tell you, you and you what went through my brain and then apologise profusely, and then cross my fingers and hope that you, you and you would forgive me.

Damn you, Jael Choe!

Stupid knee. Stupid brain. Stupid heart.

For once, I could not look you in the eye.

I just smiled and looked away, because you(plural) knew I was lying.

I am very sorry.

I really suck at being a friend

Seriously.

Tomorrow is the start of season.

I am excited

yet,

I am sad.

(for some undisclosed reasons)

2006-04-18T22:18:00.000+08:00

Today, I felt like I could just delete MSN Messenger and smash my phone.

Dream Girl

2006-04-18T21:55:00.000+08:00

Reality was like a dream, not too long ago, a sweet dream. Reality, now, is still like a dream, with some minor alteration. New superpower for The Girl, gradual invisibility.

Activate

Slowly----------Fading----------away

Gone.

She becomes the dream

distant dream

soon to be forgotten

2006-04-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

I laugh when I am nervous.

I laugh when I am embarrassed.

I laugh when I am depressed.

the ONLY time I do not laugh is when I am angry.

B&J's

2006-04-14T19:57:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I have laughed in the presence of your (plural) company.

I laughed at you, egoistic you. You turned pink, shy. You laughed at yourself.

We laughed.

I laughed at you, slow you. You feign annoyance. You laughed at yourself.

We laughed.

You (plural) laughed at me. I tried to defend myself, futile. I laughed at myself.

We laughed.

You (plural) and I, sat there laughing till my fever returned, laughter induced. My head throbs in waves of pain, along with the waves of unceasing laughter. I laughed till my lungs threatened to collapse. I laughed, we laughed, till we could laugh no more.

I wish another "you" were there to laugh along with me.

I would have been happier.

I am happy

put our lives on rewind

2006-04-12T23:34:00.000+08:00

I came across a fallen tree

I felt the branches of it looking at me

Is this the place we used to love?

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go Somewhere only we know?

2006-04-12T21:37:00.000+08:00

As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

-Isaiah 55:9

I cannot understand

I really cannot.

Would You tell me, please

Why now?

Can you take it away?

Please God, please.

fan-tastic!

2006-04-10T18:23:00.000+08:00

The letter said "52 more days", and since 13:15 the phrase has been like an alarm on snooze. The alarm rings at every 10 min interval, and then you have to push the button to shut it up, but it rings yet again, and again, and again.

I wish I could just ignore it, but gosh, it's rings so damn loud that it is the only thing that I can hear in my brain. Shut it off! Shut it off! No, I cannot! I have to just let it ring a little longer, a little longer, a little longer, then it fades.

There are times, she spoke, halfway through the ringing and it ceases, momentarily, for as long as her words could linger in my head. I replied, incoherently. I do hope she was not offended.

"52 more days". As the days fall, one by one, till we are left with none, the volume of the alarm would have, by then, increased 52 times.

Would I be so accustomed to the ring that it no longer bothers me?

I wish. But I doubt so. Because at the end of the 52 days, the alarm would have changed its ring. That day, it would ring "_____ is gone".

Then. I would wish I was deaf.

Project "Ice-cream"

2006-04-09T00:10:00.000+08:00

notebook, pen, photos.

stars will cry the blackest tears tonight

2006-04-08T00:05:00.000+08:00

During long breaks in between lessons or waits for training to start, I sit and waste my life away in the school's cafetaria, gallery or library, and there, as in Mr lian's, my civics tutor, words, I start to contemplate life when I am not sprouting mindless nonsense. I think a lot, really. And sometimes a little too much for my own good.

I pondered upon the current states of my relationships, in particular, friendship and family. I am not going to air any dirty linen here, so no talks about family. As for friendship, I regret, from the bottom of my heart, not leaving Singapore when I actually had the chance to. Every decision has its repercussions/consequences. I did not leave because I was not ready to leave all my relationships back at homeland, but now, almost like a bad joke, people in my life are leaving the country, one by one. Sadly ironic.

In retrospect, I find myself laughing at this sick joke that life is playing on me. HAHA! If I left, I would not have met, specifically, her and her (who i just read her latest blog entry), and I would not have forged any form of relationship with her and her, and I would not have to go through the whole painful shit/ordeal of her leaving in less than 2 months time, and her who might be leaving later but leaving still. Chain effect.

There is another he and another her who would leave in time to come. Enough. Seriously enough.

What the heck.

Maybe everyone should just leave.

I think, next time, when everyone has left and I have to make new friends, one question I would ask before getting to close to that person is "Do you have any plans of leaving Singapore in the future, especially near future?" And if he/she says yes, then TEHH! NEXT!

Oh goodness! Jael, you sound so bitter.

Yeah, I know I am. Cannot help it though.

Looking on the bright side, if I left, I would not have met him. So, is he a good enough to outweigh the repercussions of not leaving Singapore. I would like to think that it is so. So what am I ranting for?

Neurosis

2006-04-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

i am two person.

i am jael.i am jael.

i am jael._________i am jael.

i look happy. _______i am sad.

i am jael. __________i am jael.

i hate jael. _________i hate jael.

Stop it. __________Hypocrite.

GLA-DEE

2006-04-05T21:59:00.000+08:00

unglam-ly cute and amusing. somehow. HAHA!

It is in Green

2006-04-03T23:14:00.000+08:00

Wish I could whistle down the Northern Lights

And send them dancing all across the night

Maybe then when all the sky was blazing

Maybe then I’d feel you somewhere gazing at a star,

And you could feel me too as I say goodbye to you

It breaks my heart in two, to say goodbye to you

Wish time could turn us back to yesterday

The gods above would look the other way

Maybe then we still could laugh together

Maybe then it could be spring forever and a day

But I must face the truth and say goodbye to you

It breaks my heart in two, to say goodbye to you

Wish I could whistle down the Northern Lights

And send them dancing all across the night

Maybe then in my memories for saving

One last time you’re on the hill waving from afar

One last glance or two and I’ll say goodbye to you

It breaks my heart in two, to say goodbye to you